Over the past few years I’ve been going through some really hard times. I wrote some poems during this time, and before I move on from them and continue on life’s journey I’d like to take a minute to reflect on how I felt then, and how different I have the power to feel now.
I remember when you were mine and I was yours
Before the hurtful words and the slamming doors
I remember the candy-floss and the Ferris wheel
Before your heart told you not to feel
For anything, not for you and not for me
And so we lost the comfort of our loving harmony
But hush now, the time has passed
To speak the words that could make us last
Through the hardships and the pain
I know I won’t see you again
The fairground rides, the lights that shone
I don’t know why or where our love has gone
It left us swiftly, flew far away
To mock the memory of our glory days
Do you remember the sounds of the crowds
That hid our fears and shrouded our doubts
As we held hands, fingers clasped tight
The smell of dying love was strong that night
But yet on we clung, to the hope of better things
Even though you’d shattered my dreams and clipped my wings
So I could not fly, escape the fear, the lust
That crushed our souls and killed our trust
In each other, ourselves and all around
It’s funny how silence is the loudest sound
That fills our heads and ears with sorrow
You were my today but you’re not my tomorrow
I’ve left you behind and I’m moving on up
When it came to last chances you ran out of luck
With me and with her, she was not yours to take
Everyone must pay for the choices they make
Now as I sift through these memories I’m cold to the core
I remember it all but you don’t anymore
I’ve never understood how you could so easily forget
I’m sorry I was just another girl for you to regret
But the regret is all mine, don’t you worry my friend
The wounds you caused are well on the mend
I’ve fixed them up tightly with tape and with gauze
And filed away the pain with tumultuous applause
From my friends and my family who never approved
Of our love and our loss and the things they ensued
Although I regret you, I don’t regret her
For she is the epitome of what we were
When we were as one, alive and free
Before the tragedy happened and you meant nothing to me
I may be unsure of every detail and fact
But the day I lost her I made the pact
In my heart, my soul and in my mind
That she would be the thing I would one day find
With or without you, with your lies and your greed
I will make up for my mistakes and be redeemed
Be the person I should have been during that time
And only then can I feel at peace and call her mine
So when you’re standing under the fairground lights tonight
Ask yourself this: without her, without us, will they ever shine as bright?
You were a bump the size of an apricot
Barely a dot on the map of life
But to me you were the apple of my eye.
You will never know just how much I miss the thought
Of you being mine, and of holding you tight.
I know you probably think that I have a heart of stone
And that you were nothing more than an inconvenience to me
But I want you to know that you were my hopes,my dreams, you were the reason I wasn’t alone.
Without you inside of me I’m as empty as a shell
That walks and talks on command but feels nothing at all.
Even when smiling, it doesn’t quite reach my eyes
How could it little baby, when I was the reason you died?
Five names, tattooed on your back
The only two you still see are the ones of no relation
Where’s the sense in that?
What’s the use of letters when words don’t mean a thing
The promises you made were all lies
I was so young when you clipped my wings
Now I can’t fly up, up and away
Escape the ghost of your memory
I’m haunted by you everyday
If you could see me now, would you tell me you were proud?
I wish I could say the same
But I can’t seem to make a sound
I know that if I did, you wouldn’t hear me
Even when I was right in front of your eyes
I could never make you see
Now the void of your absence is like a wound
That can never be fully healed
You never heard my pleas as you left too soon
I can’t even summon the hope to call you my father
When all that you’ve been since I was four years old
Is my relentless antagoniser
Always stopping me from getting to what I need
Which ultimately daddy, was you
Now from this endless cycle of hate and regret, I cannot be set free
So do you feel guilty, should you apologise?
No, I wouldn’t expect that of you
The little man with no love behind your eyes
Eyes so similar to mine, a part of you I cannot disguise
Despite that fact that three years ago in November, you cut off all ties
I know you can’t see this, as you’re too far away
But if you could I really hope
That it would fuck up your day.
What do I do now that you’re gone?
Since you left the pedestal I put you on
When you took away all that you felt
The cards of broken hearts were dealt
I said this world was yours and mine
So I can’t see you leave if I close my eyes
For I refuse to accept your words
Meaningless sounds trying to ease the hurt
How can you say this is easy?
When without you I can’t see clearly
How can you sabotage everything we planned
When the footprints we imprinted in the sand
Will stay with me forever
Just like your smile, your heart, my Superman
The silence of your absence cuts like a blade
As I take in the destruction your choices made
When you said it was never meant to be
I lost the light I used to see
Now that your eyes have turned cold
And your hand is not mine to hold
Where is your heart, our footprints in the sand?
They’re gone, lost, like you my Superman.
Generic Love Poem.
Where does love go when it is no longer there?
When all that’s left are broken hearts and a sombre stare?
Why can’t we find it when it’s all we need?
When our days and lives are filled with hate and greed
Why do some people have more when others have none?
Those who suffer most when their lives have just begun
If they’re born into a home with no love and no hope
How can their lives be anything other than a downwards slope?
If there is more than enough love to share and go around
Why do others suffer without making a sound?
Carry on living without the need of love
And try to get their needs met by a man up high above
Who may or may not exist, through stories that are told
Passed down through generations, so people sell their souls
To the hope of finding love, from an unseen entity
What good is that, for our lives and our mentality?
If the only way to find love, truth and a wish upon a star
Is to create someone invisible to tell us who we are
So if love is all around, and it is all we desire
Let us share enough with others to build an empire
Make up for all the losses, that our lives cause us to suffer
And spend each day and night giving love to each other.
The lights are fading and the sun is going down
The revellers are getting ready to leave this town
All around me is the scent of your skin and the taste of your smile
I’m plucking up the courage to ask you to stay for a while
For the past few days you’ve been filling my head
With the sound of your laughter and the words you said
I’ve been trying to figure out what it all means
When you make me stutter and blush like a pre-teen
I wish that I could discover what it feels like in your arms
But I’m trying to build a wall between your eyes and your charms
So I don’t want to fall too quickly under your spell
If your feelings for me are too unclear to tell
So until the sun comes up to greet the town again
I’ll spend my time drunk on you, my wish, my hope, my friend.